When love ends and we’re left with nothing but a memory of it and how glorious it once was, things get pretty messy. For some – the crushing feelings of grief, disappointment, failure, humiliation, and frustration come into play; for others – it’s a sense of relief, a liberation, a chance for a new, much happier life. Naturally, these feelings aren’t the only ones in play… divorce itself is a very complex moment in our lives, and there is no wonder it can get overwhelmingly confusing, difficult and almost impossible to process for a very long time (especially if there are kids involved).
For everyone who is going through a divorce, here are a few tips that will help you rise above the sadness and overcome it with your head held up high.
Understand that it’s okay to have conflicting emotions
Letting go of something that lasted a certain period of time, no matter how long or short, and meant a lot at one point or another is never an easy thing to do. After all, you are letting go of a person you once thought you’d be growing old with, and that has a lot of weight to it. Even if your relationship was toxic and painful for the most part, you’ll probably remember just the good stuff for a while. Why? It’s our brain’s defense mechanism against pain. So… be aware of the fact that having conflicting emotions is a part of the process, and it’s absolutely normal. Secondly, don’t let anyone tell you what you should and should not do: grieve your relationship at your own pace. Third… do know these difficult times will pass, and when they do – you’ll be more powerful than ever.
Give yourself a break
Most people going through a divorce feel exhausted all the time. This tends to take a toll on their everyday activities, leaving them only partly functional for extended periods of time. Naturally, while this doesn’t have to be a rule of thumb, the praxis shows that people’s mental and emotional exhaustion eventually replicates onto their physical exhaustion as well. On that note, don’t be surprised if you are feeling down or worn out – it’s all a part of the process. The important thing is to let yourself heal, regroup and re-energize.
Gather the right team
It goes without saying that going through a divorce shouldn’t be a thing you are going through alone. If you’ve got a best friend, a sibling, a parent or even a therapist you’d feel comfortable talking to from time to time, do it. Nothing helps like letting it out, seriously. Along with having the right people that give you emotional support, you want to have a team of people who can give you the right legal support too and advise you on the course of the entire process. Hire a reliable solicitor/consultant who’ll be with you every step of the way and try to work things out to your advantage. The right family lawyers will provide professional advice, assistance, and advocacy, and you’ll know you are being advised both in accordance with the law and your best interest. Hiring a lawyer doesn’t mean things can’t end amicably between you and your partner; it only means you are being smart about your prospects.
Talk to your children
If your kids are old enough to understand the notion of divorce, talk to them about the ways things will change. Explain to them that their dad and mom are better off as friends and that you’ll still love and respect each other, just won’t live together anymore. Also, tell them they’ll now be living on two different addresses, but that you’ll work things out together. Don’t talk badly about their father/mother in front of them – it is not the kids’ fault you two didn’t work out. Note: Your kids will probably have a lot of questions… answer them as honestly as possible.
Think about yourself, for a change
Yes, this whole process is painful but don’t let it get the best of you. Instead, use the grieving time to reconnect with things you used to love doing, indulge in your favorite food, go work out, pick up a hobby, treat yourself to a number of spa and other pampering treatments…. enjoy! With everything happening around, you’ll definitely need something that will help balance it.
Divorce is hard. But, what you should always remember is that getting a divorce is not the end of the world. Yes, it is the end of your world, the way you knew it and lived in it to a certain point, but it’s neither unbearable nor a reason for your long-lasting distress.
